Do not attempt more than 4 of the following. All commandments carry equal marks.
1. There's no need to believe in God, but do at least show some respect, especially to priests in good standing. You can worship David Beckham, Lady Gaga, etc. but don't bow down to statues of them, it only makes you look silly. Kissing them is right out.
Do not kiss this idol.
2. Watch your language, especially when kids are present. A few F-words and C-words are unavoidable, even in church, but try to keep off the real evils of homophobia, racism and sexism.
3. Of course the Sabbath is a special day, given to us for lying in bed, shopping, football matches, etc. but Christians have a duty to make some religious devotions. Simply waking up in bed and saying "Thank God, it's Sunday" will do.
4. Be nice to your father and mother, and their partners, whether straight, gay, bisexual, or transgendered, and to anyone else they're shacking up with right now.
5. No killing. It's OK to beat up your enemies, slit them up a little maybe, but the pigs won't like it if you kill someone, as they have to start filling in lots of paperwork in triplicate.
Hello, hello, hello! What's all this, then?
6. We don't talk of adultery these days, but do be entirely frank with your partner if you feel you need a little bit on the side.
7. Don't nick things. At least not from anyone who might mind. A little shop-lifting is harmless of course, everyone does that. And of course things really do fall off the back of lorries.
8. Of course everyone tells lies when they need to, but try to make them plausible, or you'll look stupid. OK?
9. Do not covet your neighbour's wife. Actually, have you seen her? Bad-tempered old cow. Try your luck with young Sharon at Number 94 instead. Or young Nick at Number 96. Or both at once.
10. Nobody covets oxen and asses these days, and anyway, would you really want to keep some in your sitting-room? Just chill out, man, and don't fret about things you ain't got.
A bronze-age goatherd who has got the wrong idea entirely
"Nobody covets oxen and asses these days, and anyway, would you really want to keep some in your sitting-room?"
ReplyDeleteI would like to covet them and keep them in my sitting room. What are the EEC regulations?
PS I would just like to covet the smaller ones what would fit in the sitting room, some on the sofa and some in the comfy chairs, subject to EEC regulations.
ReplyDeleteYou wanna be carefull, dere may be jeallous old ladies wot covetts your own donkeys. I aint namin no names, especailly not de name Moly.
DeleteOne of these days im gonna figure out which one of you jack asses is Eccles. I still think its Lapin. Thats his inane style
ReplyDelete